My life has become so strange as of late, I don't think there is any way I could really explain it even with all the words in the world. Maybe that's the magic of things, the magic of being happy. Perhaps there is no other way to describe happiness, not really...
All I can say is that I feel like I'm asleep, dreaming. Sometimes I get a little nervous thinking that I might suddenly stir and wake up and find out it never happened. Slowly it's coming to me... this is real, this is not a dream, you are here... but why? I keep asking that, why me? How is it for me?
I've unearthed a lot of parts of myself in the last week that I was either totally ignoring or didn't realise existed. They're soft parts of myself, parts that aren't formed properly, I'm unearthing insecurities I didn't realise I had. I somehow feel like I don't deserve what I've got, what I've had... why me? It's not like I'm a bad person, like I deserve something bad... I just feel as though I'm somehow not good enough for what I do have and what I am getting.
But I'm getting better, by realising these parts of myself I'm setting them free, loose, acknowledging them. For a long time I've held a part inside me that was in pain somehow, sad... really sad. I would try to hide it from everyone and nuture it, take care of it by myself. It's like my young self, that's what I see in my mind...
I always thought I had to look after it by myself but I don't think it's true. I think it's okay to let it out a little now, bring the little me to the top instead of just protecting her.
I went on a wonderful date yesterday, we went to see Harry Potter at the cinema, had a little picnic and fed all the swans on the Marina. There are so many of them!
Surprise picture! I didn't know this was being taken at all.
They were all clammering about for bread, ducks and geese also got involved eventually.
Another surprise picture! I don't often post pictures of me grinning like this do I? I feel a little self concious about my smile but I just love this picture. This is my face all of the time.
It looks like a little swan conga going on in the front there doesn't it? Like they're all playing tag with eachother.
My boyfriend hadn't fed the ducks (or swans) since he was a child so we decided to do it together ^^
I look so serious don't I? I have no idea why, my face is usually plastered with a grin.
I like the water dripping from their beaks, swans are so lovely. I love the sound they make too, they were all so excited about the food they were calling to eachother.
Steven ^^ he took his hair down for me to take a picture. You can't see so clearly here but it's as long as mine is!
^_- we have contrasting eyes. His are a wonderful shade of blue, so light and pretty.
They have lots of boats on the Marina, there are rides about and around the city at the moment, I'd like to go on one.
I love when the clouds look like this, whispy and light. It's so beautiful.
My little chair in the corner there, I sit there almost every morning with Steven and eat my breakfast. I like the weeds in his garden, there's something so wild and free about it, letting them grow freely like that.
Ivy! I love Ivy and it seems to be my own personal plant, everywhere I go there's always Ivy somewhere. I even have a baby Ivy in my garden. Red Ivy is beautiful isn't it? Crimson is a better word. There is a little alley here just covered with Ivy, like a secret garden.
These berries are such a lovely colour, they look black but really they're a very dark, rich red.